Simple Rules for Home Ownership

1. Never purchase a toilet paper dispenser that requires two people and a key for changing the roll.

2. The larger your garage, the less space you will have for parking due to all the crap you can store.

3. For best results, install your new wallpaper with the pretty side out.

4. The difference between weeds and lawn is greater than $5,000.

5. Before undertaking any home renovation project, place your Scotch in a readily accessible location.

--Mitchell Hegman