New Year’s Resolutions

Here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2019:

1. I intend to develop a habit of regularly washing my truck (at least once every three months).

2. This year, I promise to pour more water in the coffee maker and less on the counter and floor.

3. I will stop referring to the talking heads on Wall Street as “buttholes.”

4. Somewhere during the course of 2019, I am going to use the phrase “quid pro quo” in a conversation.

5. During the month of July, I am going to wade up and down the creek at the cabin.

6. I intend to learn the name of one more wildflower.

—Mitchell Hegman