More Twisted Maxims

•  When in doubt, make stuff up.
• Follow your heart, unless you're undergoing a heart transplant.
• Just be yourself, until the arrest warrants begin to pile up.
• The key to happiness isn't actually a key; it’s soup—warm soup on a chilly winter day.
• We have tomorrow for a reason, but you may not like the reason.
• Every dog has its day, but cats have taken hold of the nights.

—Mitchell Hegman