Reasons I Cannot Be Trusted

 Following is a list of reasons I cannot be trusted:

1. I frequently forget to close at least one window (used for cooling at night) on the hottest days of summer.
2. Moments before I spill something, I usually say, "Don’t worry, I won’t spill this."
3. My math is often faulty, but I am still willing to run with it.
4. A lot of my insights into mechanical contrivances were gained from barroom conversations with men who worked at the smelter in East Helena, Montana.
5. I didn’t learn to properly pronounce "rotisserie" until I was in my 40s.
6. When in a hurry to finish cleaning, I am not opposed to literally sweeping things under the rug.
7. At any given time, the music I am listening to can influence my decision-making.

—Mitchell Hegman