Photography And Half-Thoughts By Mitchell Hegman

...because some of it is pretty and some of it is not.

Friday, May 27, 2016


I don’t have a butt.  Sure, from a strictly physiological standpoint I am normal.  What I lack is the protruding, “nice” part of the butt.
Apparently, some of the slacks I own accentuate my lack of a rear bumper—a look akin to that of a deflated balloon.  My color matching ability is also in question.
Yesterday, I was invited to a graduation luncheon honoring twenty apprentices graduating from the Montana Electrical JATC program.  I needed to look decent for that.  After staring into the closet and shuffling through pairs of pants on my own for a bit, I realized that I was over my head, sartorially.
I called that girl to the bedroom. 
“I need a butt-check.” I explained.  “And, while you’re here, match me.”
That girl laughed and then said something rather disparaging.  I think she actually meant to tell me I was handsome.
She’s nice that way.
After a couple of my own false starts, I think she got me put together pretty well.

--Mitchell Hegman