Photography And Half-Thoughts By Mitchell Hegman

...because some of it is pretty and some of it is not.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Cruel and Unusual Parking

Yesterday, I taught a class in Butte.  The venue for the class was only five blocks down the street from my sister’s house.  After I finished my class, I drove down the street to visit with my sister and brother-in-law.  When I reached my sister’s house, I discovered a solid line of cars and trucks on each side of the street, save a single small spot directly in front of the house.  I drove by slowly, assessing the spot.
This would require parallel parking.
I circled back around to make an attempt at parallel parking in the spot.  I will spare you the long version of my parking and merely offer a few fragments of what occurred.
First attempt: wrong angle.
Second attempt: rear tire on the sidewalk, nose in the street.
Exit truck and evaluate the situation.
Third attempt, four feet from the curb.
Fourth attempt: fuck you, you fucking fuck!  It is what it is!
During the heat of the parking attempt, I briefly considered Googling for parking tips on my smarter-than-me-phone.  I did conduct just such a Google search this morning.  There are lots of parallel parking resources out there.  I even discovered that a British college math professor named Simon Blackburn (in conjunction with Vauxhall Motors) developed a surefire math formula that will help you parallel park.
Here is the formula:
Good luck on your next parallel parking attempt.

--Mitchell Hegman


  1. I believe that the spoken word has energy and that whatever comes out of my mind and mouth becomes real so I'd say I love parallel parking. :)

  2. Well, I can say that parallel parking is an adventure!