Things That Don’t Matter to Me

• You know those extra buttons sew to labels inside button-up shirts?  Those don’t matter to me.
• Oscar winners don’t matter.
• Getting my hair trimmed only matters when Desiree says it matters.
• The scientific name for a rubber tree doesn’t matter to me because, well, it just doesn’t.
• The price of cantaloupe?  Nope.
• The crazy way cantaloupe is spelled doesn’t matter to me.
• It doesn’t matter to me who shaves the barber of Seville.
• Doesn’t matter that Pluto is no longer considered a planet; I call it what I want.

—Mitchell Hegman