New Year’s Resolutions, 2018

Last year, I set forth with five resolutions for 2017.  For the sake of being nice to me, I think we should not discuss those.  But I like the idea of hurtling into each new year with five firm resolutions in hand.   Here is what I have for 2018: 

1.     I am going to be more situationally aware and avoid saying the wrong thing at the wrong time—like that time I asked a blind person if she had to “keep an eye” on her service dog in large crowds.

2.     This year, I will ignore my (not necessarily) smarter-than-me-phone traffic app notifications while I am home.  I already know I can expect ‘light traffic’ in my area.  I have one permanent neighbor on the spur road beyond me and the first place I pass on the main road is a mile in either direction.

3.     I will stop petting my 20 pounds of housecat against the grain of his coat and stop messing his hair (which really annoys him).  Okay, stop might be too strong a word here.  Let’s go with something in-between ‘stop’ and ‘continue.’

4.     I will try to keep the dust off my treadmill with my feet instead of a Swiffer.

5.     I promise to not shoot from the potato gun all the avocados and Cuties (mandarin oranges) the authority having jurisdiction bought for herself when Kevin and I run out of potatoes for ammo.

-- Mitchell Hegman