Following is a list of things certain to produce chaos:
- Offering free beer at any venue in East Helena, Montana.
- Building an Ikea bookcase that features more than three shelves.
- Spilling an entire box of tapioca pearls on the floor.
- Handing tambourines out to a class of first-graders.
- A gathering of three or more Filipinas (for any reason).
- Telling a group of electricians that the last one out the door has to dig a ditch.
- Moving a Starbucks drive-up location.
- Having the Chelsea soccer (football, if you must) team either win or lose a match.
—Mitchell Hegman
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