Plumbing and Grasshoppers

I experienced a fitful night of sleep last night. The first hours found me plagued by a spate of heartburn – my internal plumbing giving me fits. To combat that, I sat upright on the sofa in the living room, lolling my head back and forth and punching a pillow in efforts to seek comfort.

Then, about the time I drifted off to sleep, the plumbing in my house conspired against me. My water softening system launched into a recharge and regeneration cycle. The constantly modulating gushing and whooshing sounds emanating from my laundry room were just enough to keep me on edge.

When I eventually slipped off to sleep, I fell into a bad dream that woke me again, but instantly scurried away with exact details. All I recall is something about grasshoppers.

Now I am fully awake for the day but not well-rested. My only firm plans for today are spraying grasshoppers in my yard with a hose (because it annoys them) and taking a nap at the first opportunity provided.

—Mitchell Hegman