In the late 1990s, Salma Hayek spent three years in my garage. I wanted to keep her in the house but my wife wouldn’t allow for it.
I am not talking about the
actress herself. I am talking about a
life-sized cardboard cutout. Had it been
the real Salma Hayek, I would have pleaded much harder to allow her inside the
house.
Knowing I had something of a
crush on her, a friend of mine managed to find the life-sized cutout of Salma
Hayek and gave it to me. I must admit,
finding Salma standing there in my garage each time I came home from work was
not unpleasant. But during one of my
spring-cleaning binges, I pitched Salma out along with some scraps of lumber
and a trash bag filled with floor sweepings and rags.
Sorry, Salma. And I especially apologize for the way I folded
you up and stomped you flat.
Well, I have great news!
Salma Hayek arrived at my house
again the other day. She is smaller this
time—small enough that I found her in my mail.
She is gracing the cover of my AARP Magazine.
Since I am presently living
alone and nobody is the boss of me, Salma will be staying inside the house this
time around.
Together Again
—Mitchell Hegman
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